Victoria Bitter (victoriabitter) wrote,
Victoria Bitter

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On the Nature of Friends

I know some great people, the kind of people you'd read about in Hallmark cards, except that Hallmark doesn't like to write about the things that are Really Cool about these people.

You can talk for fifteen hours and still have more to say

You can drool over pictures of a fourteen year old and they'll know you're not really a pedophile

They know which jokes to send you because they're perfect, and which ones to send you because they're awful

You always somehow wind up saying "I have something for you" in every conversation, because you know just what they like...and somehow, they wind up saying it too, for the same reason

They understand why sometimes, a Cadbury's Egg is preferable to a Godiva Truffle

They know that you do homosexual porn featuring very short people with furry feet, and they think this is a Good Thing

They totally understand obsession

They like your fiancee

They know the difference between Americans and Merkins, and why you can't stand the latter

They like hugs

They don't roll their eyes when you are computer illiterate, but rather take your hand and fix your site and offer you bandwidth

They turn you on to Tori Amos, Memento, Patrick O'Brian, the best way to buy coffee, the RPS writers who Really Get It, and the best way to masturbate

You can talk about sex you want, sex you have, sex you had, sex you didn't have, and sex you don't have

They understand that you believe in God but not religion, love but not lust, and advancement but not power

They help when your obsession grows beyond anything you ever imagined

They know your dreams without asking, and fulfill them without expectation of return

They cheer your every endeavour, no matter how the muses multiply, divide, and sulk

They don't get pissy when you've promised a piece of fic for weeks and it Just Isn't Working

They keep writing you, even when your email box is so backed up it's growing mold

They know that you love them even if your feedback habits suck, and they feed your own feedback whoreness selflessly

They laugh at your jokes

They don't mock you when you fork yourself

They call when you're hurting

They give you a way out when you're trapped

They send illegal presents

They agree to participate in strange marauding instruments

They appriciate Good Coffee

They appriciate bad movies that contain beautiful boys

They understand PMS, and why you cannot be held responsible for your actions for several days a month

They don't care how old you are or are not, but treat you like a person

They don't care what you look like or don't

They know that love is wonderful in any form, but there's something about boys loving boys that Does Things to your temperature

They don't think that there's anything wrong with talking at three in the morning...or four...or five

They give you a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, minds to explore, and hearts to laugh with.

They give you a kick in the bum or a pat on the back as needed, and always seem to know which is which

They aren't afraid to tell you to get your head out of your arse

They flirt

They bitch

They conspire

They desire

They are there

Their faces are jpegs, their voices made of buzzing telephone lines and occasionally misspelled pixels on email and IM and LJ. They are a world and a continent and a state away. They are as close as my screen.

Some people tell me that because of this, they aren't really my friends.

I wonder what those people call friends?
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